I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
