someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
