bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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