Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
