Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
