remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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