last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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