both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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