Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im six kinds of drunk right now
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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