The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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