a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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