jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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