you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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