So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
my liver is dry heaving
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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