I'm really into asian looking animals
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She told me I should be a condom model.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
