I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
