Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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