Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
