tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
