The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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