I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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