Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
