Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
