There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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