I'm drive I can fine osifer
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
