It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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