ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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