I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
