I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
