Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
