I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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