Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
