Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
