you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
