remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
