i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
