sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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