upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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