The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
