I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
