Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
