Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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