You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
