Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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