I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
