I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
