i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
