Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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