so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
