Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
