Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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