Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
